4 Reasons the Supreme Court’s Decision to Allow Suspicionless Strip Searches is Stupid

Posted on April 3, 2012 by

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What yesterday’s US Supreme Court opinion allowing suspicion-less strip searches for any offense says to me:

Don’t piss on the street after a night of debauchery because you may get arrested. If you get arrested, you may be taken to the local jail where a bored/sadistic guard will ask you to strip down to your birthday suit for a close look and have you tousle your junk around for good measure.

While in your cell sobering up, don’t start singing “Piano Man” at the top of your lungs or get lippy with anyone because you may have to strip down and tousle your junk around again, just for shits and giggles.

Once released, don’t bother calling an attorney seeking redress for the violation to your personal dignity. The SCOTUS (which, by the way, is suspiciously similar to SCROTUM), has formally said to corrections officials: Go ahead. Have yourself a junk juggling show with your inmates.

Why this decision is @#$r*ysdfgSADJGH:

  1. It will be abused by law enforcement and corrections personnel.
  2. Human dignity – what’s that?
  3. So you forgot to pay a traffic ticket/spat on the sidewalk/exercised your freedom of speech by protesting the GOP convention in your skivvies – BEND OVER AND COUGH
  4. So you’re purposely delinquent on your child support payments? (Actually, I’m okay with strip searches in this case)
Ruling in its entirety can be read here.

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